The Over Controlling, and Overbearing Mother
This copy was submitted for EmpoweringMen.com by one of our followers, I feel it has merit, especially for the boys, that are now men with similar mothers:
“Last week I was away with some friends. Two couples and their children. I witnessed the domestication process of a two-year-old boy by his mother and found the experience very uncomfortable, it provoked a lot of anger in me.
Basically, the child is being smothered by his mother’s “Love,” or need to be Loved. He at two is holding onto her apron strings, he whimpers when she leaves the room and runs to her when she returns. He just doesn’t know how to just be himself (already!) She relishes the need to be needed, to be the centre of his world to wrap him in cotton wool and all this is without awareness on her behalf. She was adopted and I feel that she very much wants to be the mother to him that she did not have in her biological mother so I can see, from my point of view at least where she is coming from in her behavior.
The experience offered me a great opportunity to connect to the wound of the victim of my own domestication by a controlling overbearing mother. I was the other side of the wrapping in cotton wool but similarly it shows me a lack of respect for the boy like it was an attack on his/ my masculinity or that it was disrespecting his /my space to just be. Now I’m learning to respect myself, and my creation of these wounds need my forgiveness and compassion for the feminine doing her very best to be the loving mother that she truly wants to be.
I feel that this might be relevant to share with other men on the blog if you feel it is suitable.” Jason
4 comments
In response to the overbearing Mother – All may have been true from your perspective. These issue that come our way seemingly by chance are our own drawing of energy and situations to us to mirror for us unfinished issues which we have to deal with and release.
You are now a grown man who can hug and love the child in you, and that said it is time to move on from the past , leave it behind and be fully present in the moment today.
One can “use’ issues of childhood or events from the past to hold us back today, and it sounds very legitimate. But holding on to that anger from something that happened then really does not serve you well and you give Power today over you to the very person who did whatever they did.
So seeing that Mother and child set off a memory which you can either choose to release to the ethers and let go of, or hang onto and blame your Mother. The choice is yours! But are not a victim today unless you agree to be. A child cannot choose, but you are an adult now.
May you grow and blossom through these opportunities that are sent to you in the mirror of your life.
Or as the Divine Sufi poet Rumi said,
“”Your task is not to seek for love,but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi
with Love
Suzanna
I hear what you say Suzanna, about the universal law of cause and effect in our life that brings us all that we need to complete in this, our life, as well as through the illustrations of some of Rumi’s teachings, the wanting, and needing of all that keeps us from the love that we are. At the same time the masculine, the man, may need to have to ability, and the audience to hear him out, especially from the feminine in him and possible out of him, even some times if its from the victim in him.
This from my perspective at times gives way, and creates an opening, to men’s emotions, as long as they do not loose their own true sense of them selves, and as you say, move from the past in what he learned from his own past domestication process to the present moment.
Once the man, can learn how to express his sense of emotion, not necessarily the story, he can come from his true being, his emotional and mental minds of existence, in all he say’s and does.
Thank you Suzanna, good hearing from you…
The following comment was submitted by Edwin, and I’m posting on his behalf:
“it is high time we men start giving smiles to life for us to get back the same. we are not made to be rigid as we think or assume to be as yourself, why men die early than women? this is simply because we don’t let things out of our hearts easily for we fear the surroundings reaction.”
Thank you Edwin for your comment. So true, men do need to come more from their “smiles,” and hearts, irrelevant to what input they get from the outside of them, remembering that men do this for themselves, and not for others.
Men need to remember that as they become rigid in life, that an inflexible state will bring about contraction in the physical, mental, and emotional bodies. As men generally loosen up, by initially connecting to the feminine in them, to their feelings and emotions, in expressing that from a place of a limited, or unlimited feeling, and not necessarily from the memory of the event that caused that feeling, it will in turn create flexibility and openness, to the deeper Self in each man.
This new way of being for men and humanity, will in turn feed men and humans in all of what they deserve of the unlimited, as the highest existing form of material/spiritual life-form in this planet earth. This, from my perspective, will help men develop a good responsive life, with love, happiness, contentment, and fulfillment, in all they do personally, in their work environment, as well as in their community involvement.
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