Characterization of a Woman of Need or Wanting
Hello Men and Women that Love Men,
A friend sent me this quote that she said has helped her develop her own sense of Self, that I wanted to share with you reading this men’s blog. Let me know what you think… luis
“I’m reminded of something I recently read in a book from one of my English classes, The Coldest Winter Ever. The author, Sister Souljah, explains her characterizations at the end of the story, and one of them is about the mother in the story, whom the author had not named. She was known as Mrs. Santaiga; only the wife of a man, nothing more, no delineation of an identity outside of her man. So in explaining this, the author writes:”
“When a woman meets a man of interest, she should already be somebody. She should not just be a sitting duck or a dandelion waiting to be plucked. She should not be waiting for his ring to turn her into a woman. She should not be waiting for his money, promises, adornments, or lifestyle to turn her into a woman. In fact, if she is clear and whole, her agreement to join her world to his should add something to the equation, instead of her just being absorbed, then blending in.”
12 comments
Good quote. I also believe the same can be said of a man wanting that a woman not absorb him.
After so many years of liberating women this appears to be the type of woman from the 50s that your speaking of and not todays woman. Women have gone forward claiming their rights and centering themselves firmly in their own bodies. Many women have worked hard to become their own person in all respects. In that shift what does seem to have happened is that some men have lost their sense of self, not knowing what to do with this centredness women have gained, and melted into the women loosing their sense of self. How many men do you know that simply cannot stay alone out of a realtionship, and go directly from one realionship into another. Women have outgrown this mode and today they simply will not be in relationships at any cost because they have gained a sense of self and are not willing to put up with any kind of behaviour from a man, and more and more are willing to stay alone until they meet an emotionally mature man, rather be at all costs be in a realtionship. W
Perhaps we all need to be ‘somebody’ male or female before and when we enter a relationship otherwise we will look for the other to fulfill that which we believe we do not have. That becomes the attraction.
If each of us is a mirror then the other is showing us what is already within. Forgiveness for what we ‘think’ we are not and self acceptance from the heart allows us to be ‘some body’ then we can share a loving relationship with anyone without needing the other to compensate in some perceived way.
Oh is sounds so easy!
I do certainly think that nowadays women have won the fight and have gained the right to be considered as an valuable person( for those men that would not accept their female part in them) capable of anything that a man could achived profesionally.
But why the need to demostrate or fight to be considered as such, as equals? I feel that the knowledge of yourself (ourself; men and women), your truth would be enought for you to attract what in that moment you are willing to be open to. Knowing who you are (men and women), the limited and unlimited parts of you would make you face your own dream, the dream that would no longer put you in an undesirable relationship. But we shouldn´t be surprise if one of those situations appears, that would be there for a reason. To heal the limited parts that still live in us.
Best wishes
Thank you all for your participation. My apology for not responding soner.
Jim, thank you for your input, and yes, I’m sure there are a lot of men, and women not wanting to be absorbed by the other. This is where we may need to practice healthy boundaries, you know those that say, “I love my self so much that I want this in my life, and not that,” instead of using fear as the catalyst for personal boundaries. The Universe will only give you what you ask for, especially at an energetic level, so if you come from fear in setting your boundaries, you will receive more fear, and if you come from self love, that’s what you will be asking from the universe.
Rose, thank you for your input, this is helpful, especially coming from a woman, and yes, thank goodness we are all changing in creating a greater individual “self container” for each man and woman. Women that continue to follow their “unconditional sense” are teaching men how to create a connected, wholesome, and individual container so that they too, can make unlimited choices. True, many men are loosing their sense of self, especially to women in their lives. As you say, I know men that do go from one relationship to another, as well as knowing many women that do the same. It seems that many, men and women are mostly looking for them selves in their partner before recovering, and discovering them selves. As you say, until they mature emotionally, and from my perspective, to be in a non-codependent relationship. If one is in a codependent relationship, and are not happy, you may need to look with in to heal what’s coming from need, other than wanting. One of the many reasons we are doing this blog, in helping, mostly men, to heal what keeps us from our connectedness, and emotionality.
JD, Thank you for emphasizing the need to be true to self, by being ‘some body,’ through forgiveness, self-acceptance and love… so true, and as you said challenging. Yet when it happens, its like magic showing it self, that I see as Self Love that opens us to more of same in the outer dream we call life.
Hello, if we’re 50 billions of people in het world, then there are at least 2,5 billion women in the world too. apart of the more than 20 million babygirls that have been killed for no other reason that there are girl. that is not the case with boys, I suppose. Have you ever seen a boy abducted by a woman for her own sexual joy? Have you ever seen porno for women? In general we find it disgusting how women are treated there.
We have the legal possiblity to vote since 90 years. How many men run away from their children, how many women. We have power, but sometimes we have to hide it, especially when there are children. For their sake we are capable to accept almost anything.
You kwow that because you have a mother too. Don’t see this as being servile. Or if you do, empower women.
Therefore we have to empower men? Yes , to let them be responsible for their respect to women.
For alle my sisters in the world, for all my brothers, I tell you this : we are equal and we all deserve rescpect.
The rate of intelligence is equally divided between man and women. Power, politically and financial not.
In Europe most of the population at the high schools and university are women. History is changing. Men have to consider that maybe they will have to change their opinion on woman.
Interconnectedness is mostly following good communication and mutual recognition and respect for us being equal to each other.
Therefore, yes, empower men and keep it going on.
Hi!
I keep thinking in what makes “clear and whole” to an individual, women or men, so that he or she could join the other and add something to the equation of life. I think all pass through to get concious of what are the basis beliefs about women (from a man point of view).
These beliefs may come from what a man was told women should be, or what a man could have seen at home and we thought women should be. I think that there exist much of fear when a man think scornfully of a woman. Projections of not feelling good enough, fear of not to be admited in the men´s group, fear of his own female (and more loving) part or him, fear of not to be a “real man”.
Finally, in my opinion, it is a matter of knowing oneself that would create a sence of union of the female and male part in us and thus, a clear and whole relationship between men and women.
Thank you women for letting us to get to know your female and male in you, and thanks to those men that show their most loving parts of them.
Hello Brigitte, thank you for you’re input, and yes, the injustice to women in the past, has been deplorable, as well as how most humans have gone against their own feminine energy by not owning, nor respecting, and or expressing that part of each man and woman, with understanding, kindness, compassion, and love, that holds their feelings and emotions.
We hope that as we all become aware of the “love,” that we all carry, as apposed to the “fear,” we may make some very important and significant changes for humanity.
As we men become more aware of our dualism of the mind and heart that lives in each human, men and women can become empowered by holding them selves equal and loving in every way. This will take time, and we start with our selves. All this your asking of men, is what you may want to do with in your self, between your masculine and feminine energies in you. We each can become responsible for our emotional body, by holding, owning, and expressing one’s feelings and emotions, as best we can, moment to moment.
As we both, men and women become more empowered, we can then communicate with each other, as you would communicate with your Self, with understanding, kindness, compassion, and with love… luis
Hola Jose, Thank you for your comment. Yes, our domestication, or what some call “Cultural Transmission,” that creates values, and believes that guide the individual through life does for most, keep people separate and isolated.
As each human becomes more connected with their ‘new’ Truth, values and beliefs based on love and not fear, developed through the second attention, they can become more self-confidant, and consequently able to show vulnerability, approachability, and therefore develop relationships. I’m learning that being more relational, than singular is so vital and necessary for us humans.
Gracias Jose, saludos, y espero que todo este bien en nuestra querida España… luis
Women of the 50′s were told to wait for a man so they could be absorbed into his life. Modern women do not view life that way. Men of the 50′s, as well as most men of today have been told your go to school, get a job, get married and have kids, that is what life is. Now with women wanting men to do more around the house and taking care of the kids, more and more men are realizing that marriage is not what they want, not part of what life needs.
Men are beginning to wake up and realize that it is their life and they don’t need a woman to ruin it. Sex is free and plentiful (more outside marriage than inside), and children are what women want, not men. Fathers are telling their sons to stay single, more and more women are finding it hard to find a man.
The marriage strike revolution has begun, and there is no way men the men of the future will be fooled into getting married and ruining their life for someone who “doesn’t need a man”.
To Brigitte…The #1 abusers of children are?…That’s right, birth MOTHER!!! Then comes STEP FATHER. Way down the list is father.
In Canada women are choosing to have babies without a partner, and the #1 request they have is to have a baby girl. They don’t want a boy. So yes, boy babies are being aborted in Canada as we speak fo no reason aside from being a boy. At least in China there is a reason to abort girls, as girls get absorbed into the husband’s family and the parents of the girl have nobody to care for them when they are old.
Harlequin romances are porno for women, so yes, I have seen porno for women, and I hate how men are depicted in that trash.
All men received the right to vote about 30 years before women. Before that only land owners could vote, and to ensure it was one vote per parcel of land, only the adult male could vote. But you only hear about how hard women had it.
Men stay with their families because of the children as well. Even when they live in an abusive relationship a man will stay for the kids. 50% of marriages end in divorce. What percent of men get custody of the children? 10%. Sound equal and fair?
Respect is a two way street, but there seems to be very little respect coming from women now-a-days. In fact, if you look up “man hate songs” you will find a huge number of women openly appreciating these songs. Do the reverse look up (woman hate songs) and you will be asked “did you mean man hate songs?”
You are full of hate. You are a poison which serves no purpose but to hate. Either that or you are just an ignorant retard.
Young women beware, you will soon get into the trap many girls have found themselves in – single, senior and disillusioned. Do not go far, look at yourself in the mirror. There is no way that beauty, that grace, could have been created to be admired only on the mirror.
Life is better when shared, try it! The myth that you can be single, senior and satisfied has been spreading faster than even the gospel itself. Incidentally, those who spread it have never been married and may never marry. There is no denying that there are lots of unhappy marriages. There are also very many happy marriages. There are a lot of women who would do anything to remain married.
In marriage, they have found meaning, satisfaction, happiness and a purpose for life. I wonder where the myth came from. It could be we are victims of our own success. We got education and we are now in the Cabinet. What next? We have forgotten that material things, jobs, status never satisfy. It is other people who satisfy.
As we go up the academic or career ladder, we burn too many bridges because of the myth that men are brutes, will mistreat you, will leave you for a younger woman and cannot be trusted. We rarely blame ourselves.
I know many women who are reckless and their husbands regret marrying them. Many women will agree with me that we are actually better cheaters than men, except that men are foolish enough to be caught!
This myth that life is better without a man has found a very fertile ground among young girls after they read novels, follow soppy soaps and movies where actors are paid to say anything. These and other lobbies have made young women see marriage as a plague to avoid, leading to disillusionment and emotional misery.
As teenagers we are attractive. Every man, from the youngest to the oldest, is after us. This attraction goes on till we get into campus. Unfortunately, by the end of third year, the cheerleading crowd made of speculators, all after sex, has diminished significantly. We think at this age that we are ideal.
Suddenly in our mid-20s, we realise that all the men who hovered around us like flies were opportunists and are gone. We become very hostile to men. We spend hours talking about our ex, never exes! We love embarrassing men and talking about it.
Once bitten twice shy. After getting booted a number of times, we now start analysing any man who tries to approach us. But since men behave almost the same way in wooing us or seducing us, we find it hard to differentiate a serious man from a joker.
Time passes as we do our naive analysis. Unfortunately, as we become more experienced in analysis, fewer men come by, meaning the few we get, the more we scrutinise them and the more faults we find in them.
Those of us who do not marry in our 20s will go past 30 into the age of reality. We will realise that men are not that bad. They can be tamed and a bird at hand is worth many in the bush.
The reality is that at this age, there are younger and more attractive competitors. We find security in numbers, “I am not the only single woman.” We also find refuge in new churches that do not demand too much from us except tithe. Many single women above 30 have a curious attraction to the church.
The reality has another side. By 30s we have travelled to wherever our hearts desired. We have a house and other earthly dreams. We realise that our life is still empty, meaningless. We realise it is the small things that matter, a hug in the moonlight, cuddling a baby, and nothing can replace trust in man for life.
The hardest reality is seeing our younger sisters, former classmates and friends, all married. We realise that our new friends are those who “missed the boat”. We have nothing in common with these friends except moaning and pretending that men are not oxygen. But deep inside, we would wish we are no longer called by our father’s name. We realise the numbers of visitors have reduced, we prefer being at work or church than home.
At this age, when 40s is knocking, we would go for any man. But even that “any” man is not there. Men at that age are married or “going down” to younger girls. At this age we realise that the men we claimed were not serious were actually very serious. They have grown rich, got beautiful wives who never age because they are taken care of by kind men.
We hope a miracle will happen, before the window of opportunity is permanently closed, and the biological clock stops. At this age all the excuses are gone.
Young women, think for yourself. Do not believe that grapes are sour. There are very many good men out there, waiting to be loved and love in return. Do not live a lonely life like a buffalo and pretend that is an achievement.
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