Men asking for help
Why is it so hard for men to ask for help?
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6 comments
In my experience… if I am asking help from my mind the side affects are such things as disrespect, viewed on as being weak or needy. If I ask from my heart awareness, help is always there unless whom I’m asking for help from is in their mind at the time.
As for help is a hassle. God only knows I need help from time to time. I just muscle through it these days and find a way to resolve the situation myself. It seems that women are always asking for help from me but I’m refining from giving that to a point also. It seems it just opens a door for them to accuse me of being controlling.
James
wow what a question… well.. i feel for a man to ask for help he must feel SAFE. and if he is in a relationship or marriage with a woman often times this is difficult. i am sure many women will want to know why that is difficult .. my outlook has been and is this.. if a woman attacks a man verbally or silently if she does not fight fair…. fair is the key word.. then he in all probability will not ask for help or share his deepest emotion for fear that she/he will not value his feelings. for me as man i must feel totally safe with another to ask for help. and that excludes so many that are dear to me.. we men are much more tender than imagined especially in the center of our hearts.
rafa
Conditioning of our society that a man who is seen as able to depend on himself is strong and resilient and when not appears weak. From this projection – Self importance, fear of appearing ‘weak’, lack of humility is what holds the man back from asking for help.
jd
Thank you men for your comments. I’m aware that we all have our opinion about topics discussed on this men’s blog, and that’s wonderful, I welcome them all. We also know that those opinions, and or “point of views,” are derived from what we asked for in this lifetime, which was brought about by our lessons and experiences received as we grew up. This also includes what we chose to heal in us, and what we don’t stays in us and may be projected on to others. Therefore, it’s really all about what you chose to do about your past that may be stored in your emotional body, after having received your individual lessons through experiences in life, you can stay living the old dream that you were given or continue healing those wounds, to be a better person, for your self, your family, and community.
Our choice as men now is to follow what has been passed down to us as children, or attempt to heal as best we can, all those things that are not serving us any more. This healing, change, or re-programming from the second attention, which is the “now,” is essential in creating a new paradigm in life that was derived from our experiences.
When you don’t heal that in you, what’s been passed down to you, and act it out through your limited projections to other’s, you can be considered a victim of what you have not healed in you. When you heal that, that keeps you from being all that you can be, you become responsible for your Self and what life may bring to you.
With that in mind, I’ll respond to each comment, so far shared, of our new topic.
Thank you James for your comment about asking for help from either the mind, the place of ego, self importance, and or the heart, the place that holds the love for your self and the outer dream, and yes there is a huge difference. Now, irrelevant from where the answer from other’s comes from, if one stay’s in heart, one will get what’s meant from that place of receptivity in you. The challenge of course, is to stay in heart and mind as much as possible, and not only mind.
When one is able to ask for help, only means that one has self-love and respect, and consequently it’s never a hassle to ask for help; to better one’s self. When men muscle their way into things or out of things, it only says that they do not trust them selves or Spirit. As far as giving help to women, well James, that’s your choice, and once they have asked and you assisted, let go of any expectation of those that you may have helped. Detach, let go of any outcome or expectations of them doing what you’ve suggested, or accepting what you did for them. If you keep asking or follow up with what you suggested, and or did for them, then it can be misconstrued as controlling or being manipulative. If you chose to give, which is always a good trait; give with out attachment and or expectations, after you have given to your self, of course.
Thanks Rafa, for your comment, and yes, feeling safe with someone in relation is very important, what may also be more important, is feeling safe, in and with your self, in what ever comes your way, in that you will be able to handle any situation. I would see safety as a very personal thing that does not come from others, but from you, and how you hold your Self, especially now that you’re older, and much wiser. Let the past be gone, or as much as you can heal that with in you. If you still carry that fear in you, you will ask that of the universe. As far as men being tender of heart, yes, thank goodness we are. That’s truly living life from the mind and heart, in all we are and do.
Thank you JD, what you say about human conditioning is so true, and as you said, when there is no, or little self-importance, one can re-invent one’s old social conditioning as each re-creates new values and beliefs, this time coming from your deeper awareness of the second attention, in letting one’s self ask for help.
That’s one of the many and varied topics we encompass in the Men’s Council, Workshops, and subsequent follow up meetings, men connecting with limited feelings that come from old wounds that have created limited values, and beliefs that keep men living the past in fear and contraction. This work assists men create a new dream in life that includes connecting, owning, expressing, limited feelings in a healthy manner, that will influence and change old limited behavior.
Thank you men for sharing.
Are you crazy-We ‘REAL MEN’ can neither ask for directions or for Help. Don’t you remember those Enlisted Men’s tatoos-”Death Before Dishonor”-What they were talking about was not Valor, but asking for directions, etc. One of my Medics was lost in the jungle, came across a road with friendly truck traffic, but failed to wave a truck down. When finally rescued, we asked him why he didnt stop one of the trucks, and he said-”they were going in the wrong direction!” As I recall he was sent to the rear, where-ever that was, for evaluation.
Raphiel
just truly loved raphiel’s comment.. it touched me deep.. do not know where it touched .. but i found myself saying ” you got it baby” and smiling and knowing something deep that found no words coming forth.. rafa.. just loved it.. the pure masculinity of his words… thanks raphiel.. you lightened me..
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