Random header image... Refresh for more!

Administering Feelings and Emotions when confronted with Terrorism and Fear

Good Day Everyone,

I’m back from Spain and even though we had a wonderful time teaching, coaching in Spain and in the other Europe, I must say it’s good to be back in our home, especially with all that’s happening worldwide.  It seems that after spending little over three years in Europe I’ve been aware that there’s a lot of people living in fear and desperation especially with the Terrorist attacks in France, Tunisia, Kuwait, that killed dozens to include the recent attacks in California.  These events has brought me to look at the Circle of Fear we humans often create in us, and more practically how this circle of fear extends to humanity via the culture, societal media all the way to the radical terrorist ideas and tactics, creating more fear and anxiety. This article is in small part how to maybe deal with it in you.

First of all this may be a good time for us to look at what’s our responsibility in dealing with the rampant display of terror tactics, especially with what’s taking place globally.  When one connects with the terror that some choose to live with, this will obviously heighten any unhealed anxiety, trepidation and fear that you may have in you, mentally, emotionally and viscerally.

This fear in turn, especially when not dealt within one, may be unconsciously projected onto the dream of humanity, which will in turn give the human dream credibility and reality making it tangible in this human dream.  In time this fear will return to you.  It’s a circle where fear creates more fear, and it can only stop when each one of us, or as many individuals that choose to heal that in us, and them.  Eventually, and as each heals that in them, the over all circle of fear will diminish.

What you create and carry in you energetically such as fear and trepidation, energy that the Universal Law of “Cause and Effect” claims will come right back to you as long as you carry this energy in you.  In other words if you live in anxiety and fear, this is what you are asking for in this universal human dream, more stress and fear.

You may then ask how can you heal that individual fear in you?  Here’s, few simple steps that may help that process:

  1.  Connect with that fear in you.Identify it as best as you can. How does it feel?  Where do you feel it in your body?  Attempt to imagine what that fear looks like in you?  Once you get an idea of what that fear feels and looks like in you, you, may want to give it a name, other than any connection to panic and fear.  You may find this difficult to do at first especially if you are not use to tracking your feeling body.  Be patient with this first step and with some practice will help you connect with this in you.
  1.  Make at peace with the fear in you.  Once you ID the fear in you, ask your self if there any other step’s you need to bring this fear to a conclusion?  Is there some completion that you may need to go through to start diminishing the distress and fear in you?  When you can see, feel the imagined fear with out bringing up more of the same like energy is when you have started to clear that in you.  This may take some time as you create more and more peace in you.
  1.  Once you make peace with this fear, in other words, it does not control your emotions and feelings, start living your life with as much unlimited thoughts and actions as you can moment to moment each day.  It’s really all about changing your energy from limited to the unlimited as much as you can consciously so that it will eventually effect that unconscious part in you, tipping the scales of energy balance from fear to peace, and happiness.

I know I’m simplifying the process at the same time this simple process can start the individual healing.  If you are having difficulty with this process, connect with me and I can assist you.  We know that when we connect with fear outside of you, that in turn will provoke and intensify the fear that we may have in you, you then will become overly sensitive and consequently respond to the outside world from a place of fear and limitation.  Ultimately you can only become responsible and heal the fear inside of you that in time will decrease the fear outside of you, ending the cycle in you and eventually in this human dream we call life.

Once we understand how this fear acts in you and how the effect from the outer dream has on you, you will understand that it’s all about connecting, owning and healing that fear in you so when you connect with the fear outside of you will not react from a limited place.  At the same time for starters you can acknowledge it, be aware of it, and take precautions by not taking more of that limited energy in you.

Sending you much love and respect on this New Year 2016…         Luis

 

 

PS:  As part of the process, please feel free to comment on this blog about your own feelings about the state of “fear” in general and in the planet as well as in you.  Your input may just help the next man reading this entry.

 

Share This Post

April 29, 2016   No Comments

Sessions and/or retreats, 10 October 2015 – 22 November 2015, Nerja-Malaga

luis-retreats-2015

I will be available for sessions, and retreats with individuals, couples and small family and work dynamics during my stay in Spain.

For those of you that have not done personal retreats with me and with this teaching our meetings will focus on expanding your personal qualities, as well as becoming aware and learning how to possibly over come any limiting behavior and challenges of life and life’s transitions.  This personal mental and emotional transformational work will facilitate and improve your personal relationships at the family level as well as relationships at your workplace and your community.

For those of you that are working with others, as teachers, therapists, coaches, and or in a business function working directly with others, this ‘check-in’ will prove to be beneficial.  I’m becoming more aware that we humans are constantly being challenged to change our relationships with others at home, work and or social/work relationships and it all starts with becoming aware and making unlimited changes in yourself.  By doing a retreat during my stay in Spain it will give you an opportunity to expand and create a more effective and loving communication for better relationships that are based on unlimited mental and emotional connections at home and the workplace.

My availability for sessions and or retreats in Nerja, Malaga, Spain, just South East of Malaga, which is an hour drive from the airport in Malaga, will be from October 10 to November 22, 2015.

If you want more information of the exchange and the availability of retreats send me an email and or call.  I work with individuals, couples and small family/work dynamics.  My emphasis is creating what you want in life by using techniques in Solution-Focus Therapy, Yoga Therapies, as well Emotional Intelligence, IQ, in creating a deeper awareness for yourself and others at home, the workplace and your community.

We all want to be happy, don’t we?  If you are not, or have consider more happiness in your life especially with relationships, call me or write me and we can talk about creating change for your self and others around you.

Share This Post

September 16, 2015   No Comments

3 Ways to Embody Emotional Maturity

One of the factors that define adulthood for many is the ability to look at situations and take action based on the facts. Children tend to see a situation

Source: 3 Ways to Embody Emotional Maturity

Share This Post

May 15, 2015   No Comments

Learn how to unlock the Code of Men’s Feelings

Men, have you noticed, how difficult it is to feel what you’re seeing, hearing, sensing and feeling in you at an emotional level? Well, I guess I just answered my question. How could you know what you are feeling if you are not aware of your emotional body.

That’s one of the key’s for men today. This key of living more in your feeling body will take you toward a huge discovery that will not only bring you good communication with women in your life, but will enhance your intimacy with your life partner.

Becoming aware of our feelings and emotions besides “thinking” what you feel moment to moment can be a challenge for us men. The truth is that we where never taught by our most fathers how to become a sensing and feeling human being. We saw it with women in our early lives starting with our mothers that was then thought to be girly and feminine, something that we wanted to stay away from. Or so we where told.

We mainly wanted to be free of our feeling body because we saw our father’s as well as other men living with out that emotional connection. Well men, things have changed in human interactions especially in a deep relationship with a woman. We men are now being asked to connect and express more from our feeling body, this by the way is not sissy, but quite manly, just ask any woman how they feel about a man that’s connected to his emotional body.

What we have chosen to pass on to you today is about just that, helping men be more connected and expressive from our emotional body and minds, not just the mind.

MEN, tells us your difficulty in connecting and expressing from this place of the emotional and mental place in each man.

WOMEN reading this men’s blog please tells us what it feels to you to be connected to a man of heart as apposed to just being connected to his mind.

Unlock the Code of Men’s Feelings

How to help your relationship by decoding men’s feelings.

Published on January 18, 2014 by Barbara Markway, Ph.D. in Living the Questions

The myth that men are unfeeling creates damaging relationship problems. In an interview with Daphne Rose Kingma, author of The Men We Never Knew, she said:
“We’ve dismissed men as the feelingless gender – we’ve given up on them. Because of the way boys are socialized, their ability to deal with emotions has been systematically undermined. Men are taught, point-by-point, not to feel, not to cry, and not to find words to express themselves.”
Just because men aren’t adept at expressing their feelings, don’t for a minute think they don’t feel…and feel deeply. Many times, men express their feelings using a secret code – a code that even they can’t decipher.

Men may convert one feeling into another. Men may convert stereotypically feminine feelings, such as sadness or vulnerability, into feelings like anger or pride – feelings more socially acceptable for a man to experience.

I remember a couple who came to see me in distress because they had recently learned their teenage daughter had been assaulted by her boyfriend. A major conflict arose because John was threatening to kill the boyfriend, upsetting his wife and daughter tremendously. They worried he might actually seek revenge and end up in jail. With some work, I was able to help John express his true feelings: he cried, stating that he felt responsible for what had happened – as though he should’ve been able to protect his daughter. He felt terribly sad that his daughter was going through such pain, and he fell justifiably angry. After he expressed the full range of his feelings, he no longer threatened to kill the young man and was better able to support his daughter in ways that were helpful.

Men may shift their feelings into another arena. Men may express emotions only in places where they feel safe, and where the expression of feelings is considered acceptable. Just look at how men act at sports events. It’s not uncommon to see men in the audience express great exuberance and affection, giving each other hugs and high-fives. Football and hockey players, probably some of the most macho men around, appear quite comfortable expressing their feelings with each other during the game. Where else would you see men slapping each other playfully on the butt? Put these same men in another situation and you wouldn’t see the same level of openness and comfort with showing emotion.

Men may experience their feelings through physical complaints. It’s not uncommon to see men experience their feelings through things such as headaches are backaches. You may know of a man who gets headaches only on the weekends, or become sick on vacations. Why does this happen? Because as long as men are working, they can cut off their feelings. Without the structure of work, however, their feelings and needs surface, and may be expressed through physical symptoms.

Men are in a double-bind when it comes to expressing emotions. Although men may not always know what they’re feeling, there’s one thing they’re sure about: they’re convinced they’re in a major double bind. Women tell men to express their feelings, but when they do, women are often petrified, if not horrified. Women want men to show their feelings, but only certain feelings, and only in doses they can handle.

In fact, results from numerous research studies, as well as clinical experience, tells us that men may be right to be wary of women who implore the to show their true feelings. Men who deviate from the traditional masculine norm by being emotionally expressive and talking about their fears are often judged as being poorly adjusted.

Men’s feelings may take everyone off guard.

Part of the problem may be that men have silenced their feelings for so long, that they haven’t developed resources for handling them when they do arise. Such unplanned for, unexpected emotion can often prove overwhelming. I worked with one couple where this was the case. Rob had taken a new job several hours away. Emily stayed back, trying to get their house ready to sell. They were arguing about whether or not to get a dog. Emily argued that a dog would provide her with some needed company, and would also make her feel secure when alone in their home. In his logical, analytical way, Rob gave her every reason why the timing was not right for a dog. How could you show the house with a puppy running around, peeing on the floor? On an intellectual level, Emily knew he was right, but her heart insisted she would be happier with the dog. They went through several weekends were all they did was fight about the dog issue. Emily thought Rob was being cold and unfeeling. Rob thought Emily was being unreasonable.

With much coaxing, Rob agreed to accompany Emily to the local animal shelter “just to look” at dogs. When Rob saw all those rows and rows of dogs in cages, knowing that most of them would probably be put to death, he began sobbing. Emily said she had never seen him cry so hard. She had been thinking to herself that he didn’t have any feelings, when nothing could be further from the truth.

My own observation has been that many men experience intense emotions; but, lacking the training and support to make sense of their feelings, they are left with few options but to bury them deeper. It’s only when men are taken off guard (such as when Rob visited the animal shelter) that their feelings are free to surface.

So no, it’s not that men are unfeeling. Rather, men are trapped in the confines of a socialization process that tells them it’s unmanly to cry, to hurt, or to express the myriad other motions we all experience as a result of living fully as human beings.

Share This Post

April 28, 2014   No Comments

Relationship Problems? Unlock the Code of Men’s Feelings

How to help your relationship by decoding men’s feelings.

Published on January 18, 2014 by Barbara Markway, Ph.D. in Living the Questions

The myth that men are unfeeling creates damaging relationship problems. In an interview with Daphne Rose Kingma, author of The Men We Never Knew, she said:

“We’ve dismissed men as the feelingless gender – we’ve given up on them. Because of the way boys are socialized, their ability to deal with emotions has been systematically undermined. Men are taught, point-by-point, not to feel, not to cry, and not to find words to express themselves.”

Just because men aren’t adept at expressing their feelings, don’t for a minute think they don’t feel…and feel deeply. Many times, men express their feelings using a secret code – a code that even they can’t decipher.

Men may convert one feeling into another. Men may convert stereotypically feminine feelings, such as sadness or vulnerability, into feelings like anger or pride – feelings more socially acceptable for a man to experience.

I remember a couple who came to see me in distress because they had recently learned their teenage daughter had been assaulted by her boyfriend. A major conflict arose because John was threatening to kill the boyfriend, upsetting his wife and daughter tremendously. They worried he might actually seek revenge and end up in jail. With some work, I was able to help John express his true feelings: he cried, stating that he felt responsible for what had happened – as though he should’ve been able to protect his daughter. He felt terribly sad that his daughter was going through such pain, and he fell justifiably angry. After he expressed the full range of his feelings, he no longer threatened to kill the young man and was better able to support his daughter in ways that were helpful.

Men may shift their feelings into another arena. Men may express emotions only in places where they feel safe, and where the expression of feelings is considered acceptable. Just look at how men act at sports events. It’s not uncommon to see men in the audience express great exuberance and affection, giving each other hugs and high-fives. Football and hockey players, probably some of the most macho men around, appear quite comfortable expressing their feelings with each other during the game. Where else would you see men slapping each other playfully on the butt? Put these same men in another situation and you wouldn’t see the same level of openness and comfort with showing emotion.

Men may experience their feelings through physical complaints. It’s not uncommon to see men experience their feelings through things such as headaches are backaches. You may know of a man who gets headaches only on the weekends, or become sick on vacations. Why does this happen? Because as long as men are working, they can cut off their feelings. Without the structure of work, however, their feelings and needs surface, and may be expressed through physical symptoms.

Men are in a double-bind when it comes to expressing emotions. Although men may not always know what they’re feeling, there’s one thing they’re sure about: they’re convinced they’re in a major double bind. Women tell men to express their feelings, but when they do, women are often petrified, if not horrified. Women want men to show their feelings, but only certain feelings, and only in doses they can handle.

In fact, results from numerous research studies, as well as clinical experience, tells us that men may be right to be wary of women who implore the to show their true feelings. Men who deviate from the traditional masculine norm by being emotionally expressive and talking about their fears are often judged as being poorly adjusted.

Men’s feelings may take everyone off guard.

Part of the problem may be that men have silenced their feelings for so long, that they haven’t developed resources for handling them when they do arise. Such unplanned for, unexpected emotion can often prove overwhelming. I worked with one couple where this was the case. Rob had taken a new job several hours away. Emily stayed back, trying to get their house ready to sell. They were arguing about whether or not to get a dog. Emily argued that a dog would provide her with some needed company, and would also make her feel secure when alone in their home. In his logical, analytical way, Rob gave her every reason why the timing was not right for a dog. How could you show the house with a puppy running around, peeing on the floor? On an intellectual level, Emily knew he was right, but her heart insisted she would be happier with the dog. They went through several weekends were all they did was fight about the dog issue. Emily thought Rob was being cold and unfeeling. Rob thought Emily was being unreasonable.

With much coaxing, Rob agreed to accompany Emily to the local animal shelter “just to look” at dogs. When Rob saw all those rows and rows of dogs in cages, knowing that most of them would probably be put to death, he began sobbing. Emily said she had never seen him cry so hard. She had been thinking to herself that he didn’t have any feelings, when nothing could be further from the truth.

My own observation has been that many men experience intense emotions; but, lacking the training and support to make sense of their feelings, they are left with few options but to bury them deeper. It’s only when men are taken off guard (such as when Rob visited the animal shelter) that their feelings are free to surface.

So no, it’s not that men are unfeeling. Rather, men are trapped in the confines of a socialization process that tells them it’s unmanly to cry, to hurt, or to express the myriad other motions we all experience as a result of living fully as human beings.

 

Share This Post

April 7, 2014   No Comments